L&C

The realization that there is little, if anything, that we can control is scary. I can’t control if I get that role, if my lead likes me, if I keep my job… [insert whichever outcome you’re trying to control here]. These are big things. High-stakes. And despite our best efforts, we can’t control them.

Control says, “If we just try hard enough, do enough, be enough, we can get the outcome we want.” But can we?

When control dissolves, it can feel like loss. But it can also be a return. To something even more powerful: choice.

Choice says, “I cannot know or control the outcome, but in every moment I can choose.” 

We may not like the choices, they may be disappointing, frustrating, heartbreaking even. The point is not to deny how we feel, but rather, through accepting the ground upon which we stand, come to see our choices more clearly. 

Not illusions, not projections, but true. And ours to make.

• If I can’t make my lead like me, what can I do? 
• If I can’t guarantee my job, what do I want to be able to say about how I acted, regardless?
• If I can’t be sure that I’ll get the role I want, how do I want to live in this waiting period?

Control is the illusion of agency. 

Accepting that we were never in control but always at choice is true agency. Maybe even true freedom.

What’s more important than control for you? And how can you choose from that place?