L&C

Creating the world through conversation

Akshay Kapur Avatar

What happens if we fully express ourselves in conversation? And assume the other person is doing the same?

This is different than talking, which is a natural and casual way to interact with each other’s personalities.

In full expression, we’re co-creating a collective expression of ourselves.

Or stepping towards what can feel like a central point between ourselves.

A place of true relating, not just with words, but from the space where those words emerge.

A context utterly unique to the moment because two people chose to expend breath to share themselves with another. And suddenly we’re no longer just talking.

We are.

This is not a better way, or something we can do all the time. You’re learning your intent and the other person’s as you speak. Revealing yourself to yourself through conversation.

It’s highly vulnerable to not know beforehand, and be willing to discover the meaning of meeting another (and yourself) then and there. Vulnerable in that you’re not protecting or performing.

You let go of what you want to happen to reveal what wants to happen.

Responses

  1. Mark_Kilby

    “What happens if we fully express ourselves in conversation? And assume the other person is doing the same?”

    Can you provide an example? I’m not sure I follow.

    Reply
    1. Kirsten Clacey

      What comes up for me is the difference between “performing” or “presenting” a self to just resting in self and “expressing” from that place.

      I feel like I have the privilege of being in spaces like this with Akshay often. For example, this week in our weekly call we both joined and there was a little silence as we just settled, I think I may have sighed, and there was a feeling of connection. I didn’t have an idea of what I wanted to say, it almost emerged between us. And it led to some really interesting discussion about how our organisation is doing, what meaningful support looks like, and our stance. While these topics came from us, it also felt like they emerged from the space because we have enough trust and safety to surrender the need to control or predefine it.

      It felt like a truly generative dialogue in this sense: “willing to discover the meaning of meeting another (and yourself) then and there. Vulnerable in that you’re not protecting or performing.”

      I feel similarly when I enter conversations with you Mark 🙂

      Reply
    2. Akshay Kapur

      I’ll use a quote to describe this:

      “We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.”
      ― Hermann Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund

      “To re-cognize each other” is the particular line – to ensure we’re not anywhere else but here, with ourselves and another. Because we must allow them to be recreated within us, otherwise we’re holding an old image that can’t be renewed. This stance is an invitation for the other person to do the same, because they’re being seen and honored for who they are.

      Reply
  2. Steve

    Whew. I’ve been letting this marinate in my soul since it arrived in my inbox. Thank you.

    Reply
  3. Mark_Kilby

    And how do we help others experience this? Without the experience, it’s hard to know this level of communication exists.

    This question is as much from me as for all of you.

    I realize long ago that I can “be with” another either online or in person and have this kind of conversation. But it’s not easy to teach to others unless they have experienced it.

    Reply

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